Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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