that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
