I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
