I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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