but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
