I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
