he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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