I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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