apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
