Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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