sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think your dad took our porno
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
