dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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