Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
