Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
