i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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