I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
