im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
