dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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