Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
