Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
