What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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