Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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