I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
