I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
