Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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