Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
