So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
