I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
