How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
