i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
