I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
