what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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