dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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