so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
