Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
