if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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