my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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