I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Please, let me fuck your mom
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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