Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
