We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
