Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
