Say something about gay babies.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
