Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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