dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
