idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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