Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
