Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
