I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
