you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
