we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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